Hair-Pulling and Head-Banging, Second Edition

Here we are: another dose of a frustrated rant, only this time instead of feeling trapped in an island far away from communication, I feel like I’m being pulled in two separate directions — and it’s all me. Nothing to do with other people. Just me.

I’d say I’m too young to make this decision, but I’d be bluffing. I’m not too young — heck, I think it’s about time I take responsibility with my education. So here’s the gist (so far, anyway):

  • It’s been a developing idea for years, ever since my family and I left England, that I would go to college there. The problem? Going to school here in the Philippines means I didn’t take my GCSEs and I really need them, plus my A-Levels, to get into a college in the UK.
  • If I go to school here in June, I’ll be a Senior — and I don’t want to miss out on that. If I go to school in England (on September), I’d have to re-take lessons to catch up and I probably won’t graduate until two years from now.
  • Speaking of graduation, if I hadn’t been enrolled in an international school (US, not UK), I’d be graduating from high school. There was an extra grade added in the elementary years for “transitioning”, though the work load is designed for high school freshmen.
  • For the first time ever since it’s creation four years ago, the Student Council moved its election from the beginning of the school year to the end of the previous one so that “the officers can meet up during the summer and work on various projects.” (Not that I’m against that or anything, but I haven’t been notified of any meetings whatsoever.) Anyway, this means that I’m already the Treasurer for the SY 2011-2012.
  • Taking that two year thing in England, I’d most likely be re-learning the things I already know, seeing as the sophomore curriculum in Bethel International School is the same as any senior curriculum in other schools in the Philippines.
  • But on the up side, I’d be in England with my friends. Only, they’d be moving on to college and i’d be stuck in high school. Can you imagine it? Me, having to take five years worth of lessons — six if you include that extra grade in elementary — before I could be free of high school.

You’d think that after all my complaints and pleas to be able to at least visit England or move back there in the past years, I’d be excited to take this opportunity. But I’m not, and that’s my problem. It wasn’t my number one choice to live here in the Philippines with my grandparents while my mom is on the other side of the world… but I’ve learned to deal with it.

Besides, I’ve grown to like it here. I’ve grown to like Bethel, my peers and especially my classmates. Like I’ve mentioned in this blog’s Student Life section, me and my classmates, we’re like family. If I do decide to move back to England, that would mean settling in with different people whom I know would be different than me — that’s not saying much though, since I’m an oddball even with my friends here. XD

Anyway, whatever my decision, I hope it would be the best one for me. This is my education I’m talking about, and I’d rather choose the option that can help me achieve my goals. Not to sound crass, but in my sixteen years of existence, I’ve spotted a pattern: you move into a new place, you make connections, you begin to settle and then BAM! you have to move away again and then those connections fade.

It’s just a part of life.

There’s on use denying it.

So this is me, pulling my hair out of its roots and banging my head slowly on my desk (or whatever smooth surface I can find). Over and out.