#12 – A picture of something you love

Love? What is love to a teen but a fleeting emotion when he or she sees their beloved across the room? What is love but an insistent annoyance whenever you are in their presence?

Okay, to be honest, that wasn’t love. Merely infatuation. A passing crush that’s just not willing to pass. >.< Stubborn emotion. I hate that, you know? When I fall for someone, I fall long and hard. And it’s usually people I can’t have. Like him

But anyway, really, what is love? I’m a teenage girl admitting that I’m not sure I’m even capable of loving anything, let alone anyone. I’m a selfish prick with no other motives other than my own, and when I do something nice, it’s most likely because I want to squash that guilty emotion welling up inside me.

I’m a cynic, a narcissistic and just plain mean. Just ask the people who know me.

I don’t love anything. I get obsessed with things, but I don’t downright love them. I love people, I suppose. I love my mom and I love my brother… but sometimes I feel like I have to. I want to love someone whom I’m not obligated to love — I just haven’t found that person yet.

Or, that person I want to love just isn’t right for me.

Anyhow, love is too big a thing for me to even begin contemplating, so I’d rather give up right now. Still, I need a picture of something I love. I’m a girl, right? And what does a girl love more than chocolate, eh?

Oh, I dunno… peace and quiet? Some alone time?

Yeah, that’s what I want. I love my privacy. I want a place of my own, somewhere I can unwind and be myself. I like being by myself most of the time anyway. What can I say, I love me!

“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down.” 
– Woody Allen


One thought on “#12 – A picture of something you love

  1. Pingback: Don’t Fall in Love « Black Rose

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