To all those Twi-hard out there, have you ever wished there was a condensed version of the stories? Having this love/hate relationship with the series, that thought did cross my mind a couple of times. I want to re-read the books so that I can justify to people why I like/dislike them, but I can’t seem to get off my backside and re-read all four books. (Don’t ask how I know, but apparently there are 2,358 pages altogether… -_-‘)
Anyway, as I trolled around internet I stumbled upon this link, and lo and behold! there is a Dr. Seuss version of Twilight. And by ‘Twilight’ I mean the first book, not the entire series. Such a shame, if I’m honest. I would love to “read” until Breaking Dawn.
Twilight, by Dr. Seuss
Jake likes a girl. Her name is Bella.
Bella likes a different fella.See this vamp? This is Ed.
Ed is pale. Ed is dead.Ed saved Bella from a van.
Ed must be a special man.Ed won’t kill boys. He won’t kill girls.
Ed gets fed on deer and squirrels.This is James. He’s a tracker.
He’s a sort of vamp attacker.James hunts Bella for a thrill.
Will Ed kill him? Yes, he will.But James gave her a little bite.
Will she be a vamp? She might!Edward fixes Bella’s cut.
She won’t be a vampire.
But…She becomes one. Read some more.
She’s a vampire in book 4.
Disclaimer: Clearly, I do not own this Dr. Seuss version of Twilight… “unicycle” does. No copyright infringement intended.
A Green Sky Outside 
A very popular Twilight fic runs like this:
“And then Buffy staked Edward. The end”. :)
Hahaha, love this ending! :)
*grin*
I actually prefer the dream I had once, in which Edward wandered into Merlottes looking for V, and was greeted by Spike and a big juicy stake instead :)
I’m not obsessed with Vampires – especially Spike… honest! :D
Sure you’re not :P
Haha, okay I confess – Spike owns my soul (I wish!) :P
I like your post wonderful :)
Thank you!! ^_^
Glad you liked it. It’s been fun watching the poem slowly spread across the ‘net. I like your blog and the fact that you’re into NANOWRIMO, as is my teenager (who verified my Seuss version).
As for making Seuss versions for the other books in the Meyer oeuvre: I’ll leave that to you. I managed to get thru book one, but that’s about as far as I can go.
Take care!
– unicycle (David Stone)
It’s slightly surreal that you managed to find me, but thanks for your kind words, David!! ^_^
It is a bit surreal. I’ve been having fun checking on the poem since last week, and the fact that it’s now about to appear in the NY Times Book Review (this Sunday) means it might ‘take off’ a bit more. Yours is the first blog I decided to respond to; I really like what you’ve done, and the fact that (as prev’ly noted) you’re into NaNo meant that I felt something avuncular for you.
Anyway, I’m glad I made you (and others) smile. That’s more than Twilight did for me!
D
Oops — my mom’s friend didn’t change the settings. I’m still at the unicycle address (I’m not Rosalie!).
D
Whew, that’s good to know! I was worried for my sanity for a minute there… Congratulations, by the way, for being — well, about to be — mentioned in the NY Times Book Review!! :D
That was quite a shocker, I must say (about the NYT). I wrote to the guy, in case he wanted my name and also to thank him, but he hasn’t written back. C’est la vie: Finally published in the NYT, and no byline.
Well, I HAVE had one or two published letters-to-the-editor, but that’s hardly the same thing.
Question: If I removed the “Ed” and “He” in line 7, it would improve the meter. What do you think? Should I just leave it as is?
D
Actually, yes… It does sound better with “he” rather than “Ed”. Of course, I doubt people in the internet would mind either way. It’s already spread so far, particularly in Tumblr ^_^ But if you’re insistent then go for it!! I’ll edit my post :)